I want to thank Jason, and everyone at the Monastery again for welcoming me with such openness. I’m still amazed that I was granted this chance to see shining examples of the teachings of a course in miracles acim, and fo the first time in a long while, I don’t feel alone.
Part of me wanted to remain longer, but beneath that desire was the idea that I could be this for the wrong reason; as a means in order to avoid my problems. The stronger feeling was, and is, that my travels will continue.
Before I left, Jason asked if I had had any insights. What I’m about to share wasn’t yet clear in those days; only on the drive away achieved it coalesce.
That morning, several lines from a Vance Joy song kept running through my head, “I never must have told you, never must have allow you to see inside. Don’t are interested troubling your mind, won’t you allow it be?” This confused me as I really could not consider something that I had said that I felt regret for.
Eventually, the phrase, “don’t are interested troubling your mind” stood out. This reminded me that the absolute most prominent fear I had in coming to the Monastery was that I would somehow interfere having its residents’satisfaction, by just my presence alone. This belief that I really could negatively affect other people’s state of mind has been with me for many years, and has colored lots of my past experiences and relationships.
This fear left my awareness soon after I arrived. On the drive away it rose again, but I remembered David saying in one of his videos that minds cannot attack. I cried and laughed, and now feel like the belief will be (has been?) released.
There are other items that happened that felt important, but I can’t consider them right now.